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In 1984 I was visiting Amsterdam with two good friends. It was my first visit there. Being totally confused by the huge amount of bars there, we walked around and got lost.
Finally we came around to visit a nice looking neon bar (remember..it was in the 80´s!), the bar was very crowded but we finally found a counter with three empty bar stools in front of it. Very happy and thirsty we took place.
We noticed there were a lot of flood lights illuminating us…but hey…it was a neon bar. Nothing unusual. All people in that bar began staring at us…but hey…we were young german guys from a small provincial town and so we were fashioned. Nothing unusual. We waited some time for ordering our beers but no waitress came. People still stared and began to laugh…but hey…it was Amsterdam and maybe they all were stoned. Nothing unusual.
So it went for maybe 30 minutes and we became really thirsty.
Being totally despaired now, my friend shouted out: “What have we to do to get a friggin beer here???”Answer came promt: “ You have to leave the stage so that we are able to start playing theater there!”
Ooooooops…
There are 10 more days left to get your stories in!! Post here something that will make us laugh and you will be entered into the poll for CAP users to decide the winner!!!
OK one more from me
You know like when you are young and you get your first soft-top motor, you kit it out with like 200watts of sub-bass and you think you’re cool right? When you get to about 35 you realise that all those admiring looks were actually sign-language for “what a w*nk*r”.
Well anyway, I had one of them motors, and one sunny day me and a mate don the shades, drop the roof and decide to cruise through town to the accompaniement of (then) current chart topper “Gimme All Your Lovin'” by ZZ Top, pumped up to 11 on the amp (Pioneer – quality – in fact it was too powerful for car speakers at the time so I had two fuull size hi-fi speakers behind the seats!).
So we’re driving through the center of town and everyone’s looking at these two cool dudes in their cool car with the super-cool music and we’re like looking at each other thinking (cos the music was too loud to actually say it) “hey – is this a babe magnet or what?”.
ZZ Top’s anthem comes to an end as we’re sitting at traffic lights next to the dead-busy shopping precinct. Which was just about the same point we realised the exhaust had fallen off.
Ok maybe you will laugh -maybe not .About Seven years ago , my friend was dating a guy who has his own show on fan590 in Toronto .It is a sports show and was in football season.She had no interest in sports but to be a good girlfriend and show her support of her new beau she would listen faithfully to 3 hours of sports talk.
About 2 months of dating ,she was finally invited to a big radio show event and her boyfriend told her he will introduce her to all the people he worked with.We were also invited to the party and we are driving downtown ,almost to the ‘skydome’ as it was called back then when she asked Mike,her boyfriend “will Linus be there tonight ?That guy must really be famous because i hear all of you guys talking about him.
Mike has a blank look and says nobody named linus works there -she was talking LINE OF SCIMMAGE ,he thought his name was Linus Scimmage .You had to be there but even now it still makes me chuckle.It didnt work out but he still talks about it on His showOh and a tip to round off:
Never go down water rapids backwards, with loose fitting trunks and your legs in the air, especially when it goes under a viewing gallery. Turns out it’s a most undignified way to travel.
PS. That’s not an entry into this contest. Because it never happened. OK? :tongue:
A guy I used to work with on a construction site told me this story, and knowing how mental he is I believe him:
Group of lads from Manchester head to Teneriefe for a two week holiday. First day of the holiday, as they are inclined to do they hit the bar hard and start an all day drinking binge.
Around 8 o’clock in the evening, one of the guys passes out from too much beer, so they pick him up and bring him back the apartment. While their back in the apartment they strip him and throw him onto his bed.
Being the evil b$stards they are, they then proceed to unroll a condom onto a pencil and melt down a chocloate bar they had in the fridge. Using the pencil they dip the condom in the melted chocolate and push the condom between the cheeks of his arse, they then take the rest of the chocolate and smear it on the bed sheets and on his arse.
They then leave him there and head onto the nightclub.
Next morning, everyone is having breakfast the guy who passed out shuffles into the kitchen. Acting like nohing had happened, he asks quietly, “so, eh, what happened to me last night, I don’t remember leaving the pub”?
One of the lads replied, “eh, remember those two guys who looked a bit gay standing at the bar?, well you went up to get a drink, started talking to them and disappeared. We just assumed you’d had enough to drink and gone home”.
He replies, “yeah, thats what i must have done”.
For the rest of the holiday, nobody says anything to him about it, if any of the lads touched his leg or made a gay joke he would be really pissed off, if he ever saw anyone in the bar who looked gay, he would say this place is shit, let go somewhere else.
So the last day of the holiday, they are sitting on the airplane and the stewardesses are getting ready to do the safety demonstration, the victim is sitting about three rows ahead of the rest of his mates.
One of his mates, hands him a bottle of whsikey with a note attached saying “It was us that shoved the condom up your arse, it wasn’t sh1t it was chocloate, thanks for the best holiday ever!”.
The victim reads the note, then stands up turns around and screams “YOU ABSOLUTE B$STARDS”! sits down and spends the rest of the flight drinking the whisky.
They are all still friends to this day!
I decided to join my local gym to get rid of the barrel that was starting to take shape above my belt. The instructor showed me around the place and showed me how to use the equipment correctly.
All was going well and I was building up a good sweat. We got to that little bench thing that you lie on and put your legs through so that you are stable for doing stomach crunches.
I lay down in position to do the stomach crunches and my instructor said “Three sets of twelve”. “Geez!” I said, and did my first crunch. It was such an effort that I let rip with a very short but very audible fart – “Phrrrrrp!”
My instructor shouted “Geez!” and joined me in laughing myself sick. I was very embarrassed. :lookaroun
Fintan thats a great story!!! :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
Ixian thats brilliant also! :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
About 20 or so years ago – being a newly wed I couldn’t keep my hands off my husband and took every opportunity to grab his butt, hold his hand etc. Well one day we were at our local shopping centre and I had to nip into some shop and he into another so he suggested we meet up at the cigarette counter 10 mins later. I do what I have to and then head off to the cigarette counter and see my husband standing at the counter so I sidle up behind him and start fondling his butt and kissing his ear lobes ( of course being young and in love – there was no embarressment about doing this in public )
At that moment I heard a sound behind me and I turned to look – only to see my husband leaning against the sweet counter staring at me and laughing his head off.
Needless to say I had disappeared by the time the guy at the cigarette counter had turned around!!!!!
