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From: George W. Bush [[email protected]]
Sent: Sunday, March 14, 2004 10:57 AM
To: “Neil Bush” [[email protected]]
Cc: “Jeb Bush” [[email protected]]
Subject: Re: missed you, bro(s)Neilster,
Sorry me and Jebber couldn’t make it to your wedding last weekend. Well, more specificiallicly, sorry your dimwit ass can’t seem to cover your tracks well enough so that it’s not political suicide for us to get within 100 miles of you. I mean come on now, between your latest insider trading slip-up and banging all that sneaky geisha hoochie, you’re making Roger Clinton look as clean and pure as driven Colombia snow. Why just the other day, Pickles asked me, “Has that loser come out with his own beer yet?”
Sure, when I was in the Guard, I used to play “‘Nam” by picking up some exotic Saigonish-looking Negro piece of saloon tail and taking her out back by the dumpster to crack open her fortune cookie, but this ain’t make-believe now, goddammit. For the love of our Holy Mother, man, keep all the fun stuff on the D.L. until after November third! Then, you can go on 20/20 and bust a nut on one of Barbara Walter’s chins for all I care. It’ll be Jeb-2008’s headache by then.
If you ever pulled your face out from between the nearest chick’s taa-taa’s, you would know that Jeb and me have been yapping about this “sanctity of marriage” horseshit to keep the holy rollers from having an electoral epileptic fit in November. So we couldn’t exactly show up to toast someone who makes Michael Jackson look like he takes marriage seriously. I’m kinda surprised that I have to tell you this again, but when it comes to a choice between a photo-op and family, you will always get a big, grinning “FUCK YOU!” Understand?
I mean, I’m tanking in the polls, this Clinton economy is deader than Laura’s high school sweetie, job growth is still negative, the dollar is tanking, the deficit’s through the roof, and just last week the stock market went down faster than Jenna when Ashton Kutcher pops the top button on his fly. So stay low, baby bro, because the last thing I need is any media Hebes dredging up that it was my flesh and blood (YOU) who was responsible for that little Silverado billion-dollar taxpayer clusterfuck back in the early 90’s. If that happened, voters might be liable to lose faith in the wonder of Bush fiscal wizardry!
And please, keep the new broad under control, OK? I can’t believe it’s only been eleven months since your bitch ex Sharon had the nerve to threaten to write a tell-all book just because you were drilling mom’s assistant for all those years. Clearly Sharon had no respect for the sanctity of marriage.
Anyway – glad to hear the party was a rager. We won’t miss it next time. Oh – and yeah, congrats and whatever.
– W
>
Original Message
>From: Neil Bush [[email protected]]
>Sent: Monday, March 8, 2004 1:19 PM
>To: “Prezzy the Bro” [[email protected]]
>Cc: “Jebberooni” [[email protected]]
>Subject: missed you, bro(s)
>wasuuuuup?>bachelor party was fucking awesome. more strippers, $15 >oriental poontang-for-hire, and yayo than i knew what do with! >mom and prince abDULLah really came through on this party, >man. all the snatch was just the way I like it – shaved and on >the house! fucking sweet! but without you guys there to party >with like last time, it wasn’t as much fun. and the wedding was >okay, too, and mom and dad said you guys wished you could >have been there even though you didn’t call or anything. that
>totally meant a lot. you guys rock.
>
> your bro,
> gnarly gneil
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